Audacity
by BookLover4
Summary: I suck at summaries. Dan and Phil get into a fight. Will something come from their dispute? Maybe, maybe not. READ TO FIND OUT. Like I said... I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

"Phil?" I heard Dan calling my name from the lounge. I had just finished posting my video and was reading some of the comments. Most of them were nice, but there are always some that are insulting. They always get to me. I didn't let the fans or Dan know that the negative comments made me upset, but it was obvious. They just didn't know how upset I could get, because I'm the innocent one. I'm the nice one. The perfect one. I could never do no wrong. Everyone believes that; even Dan. But it's not true.

"Phil?!" Dan said a little more urgently before.

"What, Dan?" I said a little more harsh than I intended. He didn't seem to notice. And if he did, he just didn't care.

"Can you come here for a second?" I basically jump out of my chair, slam open the door, and stomp into the lounge.

"What can you possible need that you can't do yourself?" I saw hurt flash across his eyes, quickly replaced with anger. I don't mean to come out this rude, but I don't know how else to hide my feelings. Not just my feelings about the bad comments, but my feelings for him.

"Why are you having an bloody attitude with me? What have I done besides call you out here?" Dan's voice was dripping with attitude.

"I'm just irritated." But not at you, my love.

"Well, then why are you fucking taking it out on me?" I'm not meaning to.

"I don't need to deal with this right now, Dan. What do you need?" I can basically see the flame inside his eyes. I know which buttons to push to get him mad. And I seem to be pushing all of them.

We stand there, glaring at each other for a long moment. He's the first to look away. Even when he looked away, I am still left glaring. He rubes his left temple. He closes his eyes for a second, obviously trying to calm himself down. I'm getting impatient.

"Well?" No answer. "Are you listening?" It appears he is not. "DAN?!" This gets his attention.

"I lost the remote, Phil! And I would like your pathetic help looking for it! Now, can you just stop being a massive twat for a minute? What has gotten into you. You're not acting normal." He's starting to lose it. So I push those fragile little buttons even harder.

"And what's normal for me, Dan? Being perfect? Being innocent? Not being able to show my feelings? When do I get to release my feelings, Dan? Never! I have to keep them bottled up! I can't just let lose like you can! I actually have a conscience!" With each sentence, I get louder. With each sentence, I get closer. With each sentence, he gets madder.

"And I don't have a conscience?! Because I believe I do! My gut is telling me to slap you across the face but am I?! No!" He's on the edge. And I don't care.

"You would never slap me, Dan! You don't have the audacity!" I'm basically begging for it now.

"I might not, but I will just walk out! I have no problem doing that!" And I don't doubt he does.

"Fine! Just go! See if I care!" But I do care. But I can't let him see that. I can't let him win this argument. Not today. I didn't realize that he left until I heard the door to the flat slam.

I start searching around the lounge for the remote. And when I find it, it's going to be thrown against the wall. That's one way to rid myself of these stupid feelings. Not a good way, but I'm sure that it'll work. That's what Dad used to do.

I find the remote. I flip it around in my hands for a moment. Just staring at it. I throw it. It collides with the wall. I'm still angry. I throw it again. And again. And again. It's not working. I pick it once more; debating if I should throw it once more. I decide I should. I aim at the door. The door that Dan walked out of not too long ago. I throw back my arm, then let the remote fly.

It all happened in slow motion. Or it seemed like it did. As the remote left my hand, the door opened and Dan appeared. The remote hit him square in the face. He just stood there, looking confused. I stood there with frightening/shocking look on my face. My mouth ajar. I saw a line of blood coming out of his nose. I was speechless.

"Um," Dan starts; walking towards me. Calm as a sea before a bad storm. He stops. There is a foot of space between us. "I forgot my phone." He doesn't look confused any more; just hurt.

"Dan, I didn't mean to thor-" I tried. But before I could finish there was a sharp sound heard throughout the room. I took a minute for my mind to register the stinging pain on my left check. Dan slapped me.

I looked him straight in the eyes. Not a glaring him. This stare that we shared wasn't uncomfortable; wasn't angry. It was understanding. I put my hand to my check. It was wet. I didn't even notice I was crying. How long have I been crying? I noticed Dan was crying to. He looked so upset. I never enjoy seeing him like this. It pains me.

Simultaneously, we pulled each other into an embrace. He was so warm. I loved holding him like this. And I liked him holding me like this. It doesn't happen much. Only after we've had a big fight. I know this fight doesn't seem too big, but for us it is. Every fight is big. Every argument is big. We just stood there, in each others arms.

He pulled away, walked to his room. I didn't think that he would come back. I went to the couch and sat down. I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs, laid my head on my knees, and closed my eyes. I felt someone sit down beside me and put a blanket over me. I knew it was Dan so I didn't bother to open my eyes. I uncurled myself from my ball and laid my head on his lap instead. We both feel asleep in that position; me, with my head in Dan's lap, and Dan with one arm resting on my shoulder and his other hand on my head, protectively.

Best sleep I've had in ages.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up before Dan did. We were still on the couch. He looked so peaceful when he slept. I decided to get up and go fix us some breakfast. Pancakes and bacon. Dan's favourite. I guess the smell of frying bacon woke him up because right as I was putting the bacon onto our plates, Dan walked in. His hair is a beautiful mess. He has bags under his eyes. He sits down at the table without saying a word. I set his plate and utensils in front of him and sit across from him. He starts on his bacon, and I do the same.

"Dan-" I try to start.

"Phil, we don't need to talk about it right now. It can wait until all the bacon is gone." He goes to the fridge and gets the syrup. We eat in silence. Once we have both finished, I clean up the mess and start on the dishes. Dan comes and helps by drying and putting away the dishes; I wash and rinse. That's the usual routine. We finish and dry our hands.

"Phil, can you tell me what all of that was last night?" Dan asks. He's fidgeting with the bracelets on his right wrist.

"It was just a stupid comment. I didn't mean to take it out on you, Dan." He looks me in the eyes. His eyes are a nice shade of brown. Not the ugly, dark, almost black, brown. But the nice, lighter shade of brown. I could stare into them forever and not get bored with the color.

"There has to be more to it, because you never let the comments get to you like that." Now I'm the one fidgeting. "Come on, Phil. What's bothering you?" I'm debating whether or not I should tell him that I might have a little crush on a certain brown haired male.

"I'm not comfortable talking about it," I almost whisper as he gives me a look of disbelief.

"Why wouldn't you be comfortable telling me? For Christs sake, Phil, we tell each other everything!" He's wearing a look of hurt.

"I know! It's just-" I don't know. I have no idea why I'm not telling him. I'm not scared of the way he'll react. I know how he'll react. Nothing will change between us. Am I just not ready for him to know? I'll just go with that. "I'm not ready for you to know?" I mentally slap myself. I shouldn't have phrased it as a question.

"Seriously, Phil? That's what you're going with? That you're not ready for me to know? What is it? Are you gay? Secretly married to a hamster? Do you jerk off to a picture of Hannah Montana? Because if you do I'm fine with that. We've all done it." I tried not to laugh. Failed. He joined in.

"Dan, you have dried blood under your nose." I stopped laughing and I felt guilt run through my veins. "I am so sorry." I feel tears start to form.

"It's okay, Phil. I can wipe the blood off my face. But you can't wipe that bruise off of yours." He adds with a wink. He gets up and walks to the bathroom. I'm guessing to shower. I walk to my room to look in the mirror. Dan was right. This bruise is going to be here for a while.

I lay on my bed, looking up to the ceiling. Should I tell Dan? He deserves to know. I'm not even sure if it's a crush. Maybe all best friends feel this way once in a while. It's not like I think about him every moment of every day. I mean, we live together. Of course I'm going to notice things about him I like. Like the way he laughs when he thinks something is really funny. Or when he makes jokes in a serious conversation to lighten the mood. Or the way he looks when he wants something but he's scared to ask. Those are all beautiful things about him. He's just a beautiful person. Anyone with eyes can see that. So maybe it's not a crush.

My bedroom door opens and Dan comes in. In just his boxers. His hair is still soaking wet. I sit up trying not to stare.

"Do you have a shirt I can borrow?" He asks. I nod. He goes to my dresser and starts searching for a shirt he would wear. I see the muscles on his back moving. He's not exactly the fittest person in the world. He doesn't have abs. But he is still beautiful.

He seems to find a shirt he is satisfied with. "Thanks," he says as he walks out of my room. I study him as we walks out.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is a crush.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been about a week since the fight... and I'm laying in my bed thinking about life. Everything went back to normal believe it or not. Well, everything but one thing.

I used to deny anything I thought I felt for Dan but now I think I'm embracing it. I accept that I have a crush on Dan. He doesn't know. He also doesn't know about that comment. He's always asking about it, but I'm still not ready to tell him.

I need to tell him but if I tell him then he'll wonder why I got so upset about it. I know I said it was just a comment but it was more. It was a fan basically telling me Dan would never love me as much as I love him. Usually, that wouldn't bother me but since I've had mixed feelings, it hurt. A lot.

I know Dan would never love me as more than just a friend. He's completely straight. He's never going to have any type of feelings for a man; much less me. But you can't blame someone for having dreams, can you?

I'm going to tell him. He deserves to know. He deserves to know everything. Nothing less than that. I get out of bed. I start to walk out of my room but took a step back realizing that I was wearing nothing but boxers. I decided I should put on a shirt and pajama pants.

I walk out into the lounge and see Dan in his typical Internet browsing position. I open my mouth to say something. What I would have said? I don't know. That's why I shut my mouth. Luckily, Dan was oblivious to anything and everything other than his laptop at the moment. I gave up trying (could I even call it trying? I haven't even spoke a word.) and went to the kitchen to fix me some coffee.

I see a freshly brewed pot of coffee. I love the smell of black coffee but I can't stand the taste. I must have 2/3 of my cup coffee and the other 1/3 creamer or milk. And, of course, I add sugar. I fix my cup and I decided to fix Dan some as well.

He likes his coffee with just milk. I have no idea how he can drink it with no sugar. Weird. It has such a bitter taste to it. Ugh!

After fixing our coffee, I walk over to Dan and sit next to him. I hand him his coffee and he takes it, nodding in thanks. I don't think I can tell him. What if it completely ruins our friendship? What if he laughs in my face? I don't think I'd be able to handle it. But what if he doesn't laugh? What if he actually feels the same way? No.. He never would.. Would he? I don't think he would. I mean look at me. Messy black hair. Dull blue eyes... No.. I should put myself down. I'm amazing... I think.

I look into my coffee, pondering all of this. Trying my best to think better of myself, and not think badly. I didn't notice Dan was staring at me until he asked, "Phil. Are you okay?"

Startled, I looked him in the eyes. I wasn't okay. I was scared. Scared of what he thought of me. Scared of what he'll think of me. Scared of having my heart-broken. Dan sets his laptop down and turns toward me. Maybe he does like me back. I mean, he puts me before almost everything. I must be important to him.

"Phil, you can tell me." Dan says sympathetically.

"Do you remember that comment that I got upset about a week ago?" I say looking down into my coffee again, not knowing where I should look.

"Of course. What about it?"

"I never told you what it said." Silence. I decide to go on. "Someone said that you would never care for me as much as I do for you." He pulls me into a tight hug. I don't hug back. My arms are laying awkwardly at my sides.

"Phil, you know I care for you. Why would you get so upset about it? You know I love you." He says. Little he knows. I laugh internally.

"Not the way I love you though," I mumble. Barley audible. I feel him stiffen. Oh my.. I've done it. He hates me now. He'll never talk to me again. I've ruined everything. He pulls away a little, holding me at arm's length, his beautiful brown eyes staring into my blue ones. My heart is beating really fast. Is this normal? I feel sick. He looks really confused and scared.

"What do you mean, Phil." He asks, not willing to put the puzzle pieces together himself. I look away.

"Dan, I think you know what I mean," And again, silence. I sigh, "Dan, I like you." I feel like a complete idiot. He looks at me with disbelief.

"You can't be serious. I mean come on. Me? You like me? Ha. You're really funny, Phil. Don't play jokes like that." He turns away from me, taking his warm hands off of my shoulder. He picks his laptop back up and continues to browse. I feel like dying right now. How could I have been so stupid?

"Dan, I'm serious." He looks like he's uncomfortable. Maybe he is. I knew it could never work. I need to leave. I get up and start to walk to my room. I stop before I leave the room and say, "I'll be gone by tomorrow."

I walk the rest of the way to my room. I close my door and grab my suitcase that I keep under my bed. I start to put my clothing in. I hear a knock on my door. I freeze. Did he come to admit his undying love for me? Yes? Maybe.. I think so. I knew it! I knew he liked me back! I don't know why I ever doubted myself! I calmed down and stopped fantasizing before saying, "It's open."

Dan came in and sat on my bed next to the suitcase. I stopped putting clothes in the suitcase to stare at him. "Are you really going to leave?" He asks, staring at the clothes in the suitcase.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable so.. I guess I am." I say sadly.

"Phil..." He grips the end of the bed. "You don't have to leave." His knuckles are turning white.

"Dan, I-" I try. But before I could finish, he jumped up and hurriedly took the clothes out and threw them across the room.

"You don't have to leave," He said while looking at his feet. I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say.

"But you don't like me. It's going to become awkward," which is true.

"Why are you going to try to tell me what I do or don't feel," he sounds upset. "You don't know how I feel. I don't like you.. But I don't want to lose you." He walks out of the room. Silence. I am left staring at the place that he once stood at.

I knew it. He would never like me. Never has, never will. I don't know why I ever thought he could. I mean, look at me. I'm repulsive. I wouldn't like me either.


	4. Chapter 4

So I would love to say that it was all just a dream. That I didn't really tell Dan that I liked him. But I can't. It was all real.

And it was a big mistake. He can't even look me in the eyes. He can barely have a conversation with me. I tried to leave. Multiple times. But he wont let me.

It has all just become so awkward. I don't really know what to do. I can't do anything about it. I try so hard to make things the way they were.

When I wake up in the morning, I fix cereal and go sit next to Dan. I try to converse but it's really one sided. Like yesterday morning:

_As I was walked into the lounge Dan was sitting eating his cereal. When I sat next to him, he chanced a side glance. Pretending I didn't notice, I started eating._

I mumbled a 'good morning' to him. He nodded, a movement so small, I wouldn't have noticed unless I was cautious of every move made. He picked up his laptop.

I tried again for conversation,"Did you have a good nights sleep?"

"Eh," is all I received for a answer.

After a few minutes of silence, awkward I might add, he just stood up and walked away. I heard his room door close. Figuring he wanted some alone time, I went into my room.

It kind of sucks having your best friend/crush not want to converse with you or be around you. But they wont let you leave.

And I just can't go and talk to him about it because he wont talk to me. Ugh! It's all just a big mess. I should have never told him. It was best kept a secret.

And now I'm in my room, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, rethinking all of my mistakes in life. This is how I spend my free time now. I used to just watch reruns of Buffy with Dan, but I'm pretty sure you can see the problem with that.

I'm bored. I should go to the store. We haven't bought any food in a while. I'm pretty sure we're almost out.

I grab my wallet and apartment keys and start to walk out of my room. Dan is no where in sight. He's probably in his room. I start walking towards the front door and eventually walk out into the fresh clean air. Before I can even begin walking again, I hear loud footsteps on the stairs in the apartment.

I turn around right as the door opens and reveals Dan in only his pajama pants and tank top. It's way past noon but not enough to be considered evening. Why is he still wearing his pajamas?

I realized his expression. It looks almost... sad. I can only imagine my expression is confused. He looks me up and down and sighs a sigh of relief leaning against the door frame.

"Is there something wrong?" I ask casually. He looks down, almost embarrassed.

"Nothing important." He straightens up and starts to walk back into the apartment. Before he has a chance to close the door I follow him. He ignores me. I leave the door open and grab his arm. He was already walking up the steps, but only made it up a few, making him taller than  
usual.

"Obviously it was something important if you run out here in your pajamas." I say. He pulls his arm back and turns towards me.

"Can you just drop it! I said it was nothing important!" He turns and runs the rest of the way up the stairs. I decide I shouldn't follow. He obviously needs time to think about something. So I continue on my journey to the store.

The way there was pretty uneventful. The checkout lanes were ridiculously long. I'm not exaggerating when I say that half the time I was there I was waiting in line. When I finally got checked out, the lady was mean. She obviously hated her job. You could tell by the way she looked at you. She radiated hatred.

On the way home I past the Tower Bridge and decided to sit on a bench and admire it's beauty. It's the best sight I've ever seen. This was my favourite part of London. Always was, always will be.

As I sit and admire the bridge, couples walk by. All of them holding hands, laughing, sharing sweet kisses that I wish I could share with Dan.

Dan.. with his beautiful brown eyes. The perfect shade. Not too light like the shade of dirt. Nor too dark like the shade of mud. Just perfect like the shade of wood. And his hair. The way it falls on his face just makes me want to scream like a little fan girl. I understand why everyone likes him more than they like me. He's just perfect.

By the time I head home, it's past eight. I had to stay and watch the sunset. That's the best part of the day for me. As I'm watching the sun go down someone somewhere in the world is watching the sun go up. It's really just mind blowing.

I get home and Dan is stuck in his room. Deciding that he's not going to come out anytime soon, I go to my own room. It's sad that this is how everything turned out.

I watch some Buffy reruns (alone) in my room (laying in my bed) I look at the clock and realize that it's way past midnight. I put everything away and try to sleep.

Right as I'm about to fall asleep, I hear my door creak open. Figuring Dan is checking to see if I'm awake, I ignore it.

But then something happens that I can't really ignore. He lays in bed with me. Under the covers and all. We weren't cuddling or anything. We were just two guys laying in the same bed together. Nothing abnormal about that. Right?

"Phil, are you awake?" I hear him whisper. I mumble an inaudible reply. I hear him laugh a little. "I just wanted to tell you why I was so upset earlier." I don't reply. "I was scared that you were trying to leave again. Phil, I can't lose you." I turn to face him. He's leaning on his elbow, looking at me with sad brown eyes.

He leans in a little. My mind is jello. I'm not sure what's really happening. All I know is that our noses are touching and he is staring into my eyes.

"I can't lose you, Phil," I hear him whisper before I feel a pair of soft lips against my own. My eyes flutter shut. He tastes of mint toothpaste. Delicious. He licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance which I gladly grant. But as soon as the kiss started, it stopped.

He pulls back and looks into my eyes. His eyes are filled with worries. He gets up and walks out. Like he was ashamed of what he did.

Resentfully, I turn back over and fall asleep without ease.

* * *

I wake up in the morning, not knowing if what happened last night truly happened or if it was just a dream.

I walk out of my room and see Dan sitting in his spot on the couch. I sit next to him.

Nothing.

And by nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. No kiss, no 'good morning', nothing. It was as if the kiss never happened. Maybe it didn't. I'm pretty sure it did though. I need to ask him about it.

But what if it didn't happen? Then I'll look like even more of an idiot.

Haha.. Like that could ever happen.

* * *

**I'm sorry if this is just complete crap. I'm not feeling too well. I didn't upload last week so I'm going to try to do another chapter before this weekend is over. No promises. Again, sorry if this is crap.**

Love you all lots  
Rikki c:


	5. Chapter 5

We're sitting here. Dan is on his laptop and I'm eating my cereal.I need to try to bring up last night.. But, what if it was really only a dream. I'll be crushed. Well, more than I already am.

"Hey, Dan.." I feel my throat tightening.

"Yeah?" My hearts racing. He's actually talking back to me!

"Can I ask you a question?" He shuts his laptop and turns towards me.

"You just did," He tries to make a joke. I give a little chuckle as he does. How do ask him without sounding like a complete creeper. _Dan, did you sneak into my room to kiss me last night? *wink*_ Yeah.. Perfect.

"I was wondering..." Ugh! Why is this so hard!?

"Yes Phil?" He's staring intently into my eyes making me nervous.

"Did you come into my room last night?" I look at him with scared eyes. Scared that it was all just a dream.

"No. Do you think someone came into your room while you were sleeping?" He sounds worried.

"No.. It's.. It's nothing. Just a dream. I thought.. But. L-let's forget it." I look down into my cereal. Regretting even asking him. Why would I even think it was real

"Phil, do you have anything to do today?" Why would I be so stupid? How could I have let myself believe that it was real? I already know he doesn't like me. So why?

"Phil?" Oh! He's talking to me.

"Sorry. I don't have anything planned. Why?" He probably just needs help with a video.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go visit the park? We haven't really left the house together in a while. I was thinking we could also make a video while out," he says. Kind of in a rush.  
"That sounds like fun. When do you want to leave?" I ask.

"Soon. Let's get ready!" He says as he jumps up and throws a fist into the air.

* * *

We're having a day out. At the park. While making a video. Just like old times. When everything was perfect. Before I told him I liked him.

All I had to do is put on proper clothes. And now I'm sitting in the lounge waiting on Dan. I have no idea what's taking him so long. It's been like an eternity. Sigh. I get up and go knock on his door.

"Come in," he yells. I go in and he's standing there shirtless. Holding up two shirts. Inspecting them.

"Which one looks better?" he asks. I honestly think that he looks fine without a shirt. But of course I don't say that. He's holding up his cat shirt and his eclipse shirt.

"The eclipse shirt." It's my favourite shirt of his. He nods and puts it on.

"Are you ready now, Dan?"

"Yup!" he says. "As ready as I'll ever be." He adds with a small smile. He grabs his camera, keys, and phone and we're off.

* * *

As we walked to the park there were a few fans who noticed who we were. They wanted pictures.. With Dan. They asked me to take the pictures. That made me feel wonderful! Thanks guys!

Once we got to the park, it felt like nothing had ever changed. We played on the swing set, played hide and go seak, and even bought ice cream to enjoy while sitting on the ground, relaxing. We got all of that on film. So i'm no 100 percent sure if it was real or if he was acting for the camera. I hope it's all real but I don't want to get my hopes up just to be let down again.

It's starting to get dark so we start to head home. The camera's put away and it's back to silence. We pass the Tower Bridge and I stop. Staring at it. Dan walks a few steps before he realizes that I've stopped. He turns and looks at me.

"Can we walk across the bridge?" I ask. Not looking at him but at the bridge. He says nothing. He puts his hands in his pockets and starts to walk toward the bridge. I follow, eventually catching up with him.

We get to the middle of the bridge and I stop. Dan stops with me. I rest my arms on the edge, looking out at the water.

"Why?" One simple word I say but with more than one meaning.

"Why what?", he asks a little dumbfounded.

"Why did we actually come out today? It couldn't have really been for a video. You just uploaded a video last night. So why?" I look at him. We make eye contact and then he looks away.

"Maybe I just wanted to spend some time with you." But that makes no sense.

"You see me everyday. You've stopped talking to me. And then all of a sudden you actually want to be around me? Talk to me? Spend time together?" I start getting angry. I think he can tell.

"I.. I don't-" I interrupt him

"It hurts, Dan. Do you understand this?" I didn't plan for all of this to come flying out. But it is and I don't try to stop it.

He doesn't say a word. I stand up straight and pull myself up to sit on the edge. I let my legs dangle over the edge. One move and I could fall.

"It really hurts, Dan. You ignore me. You avoid me. And I can't do anything about it. And you want to know what hurts the worst?" I turn a little to look him in the eyes. My eyes are dry but his are tearing up a little.

"What hurts the worst is that all of this started because I told you of my feelings. Feelings I thought you would accept. Not accept like, 'Oh Phil, I like you, too' but like.. I don't know. I didn't really think anything would change and then you.. You go do this. And it makes me feel like shit." Now I'm starting to tear up.

"Phil. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do. Can you please come off of that ledge?" He sounds worried. And I don't really care.

"Why? Does it make you nervous?" I say smirking while a tear finds it's way out of my eye.

"Yes. It does actually." He says. Which surprises me.

"Dan, what would do if I wasn't here anymore?" I ask.

"Phil. Don't say things like that. Please, get down." He's starting to fidget with his keys. I can hear them jingling.

"I don't want to get down, Dan. I quite like it up here." He doesn't say anything.

"Dan, why wont you let me leave if I make you feel uncomfortable?" I ask.

"Phil, you don't make me feel uncomfortable." He tries.

"Dan, it's pretty obvious I do." I scoot a little closer to the edge.

"Phil, please. Just come down!" Dan is trying to stay calm. I can hear it in his voice. I ignore him.

"I love you," I say as I scoot off the edge and start to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

Right as I started to fall, I felt a tight grip on my hand. I wasn't falling anymore. That's when I realized I didn't want to die. I didn't want to go on my favourite bridge to jump off. But as we all know not all things go according to plan. I grip that hand back, even tighter than it's gripping mine. I figured it's Dan hand but you never know.

I feel myself being pulled up. Slowly. But surly. The second that my butt is back on the solid edge I feel myself being dragged off and pulled into a tight embrace.

"I don't want to lose you, Phil. I never want to lose you," I hear Dan say as he falls to his knees with me still in his arms. He cradles me close to his chest.

I feel his tears fall onto my head. I hear his gasps for air as he is trying to calm his racing heart. He is hurting and it's all my fault. I didn't realize I was crying until I saw the tear droplets on my hand. Seeing the tears made me cry harder and harder. It made me realize what I almost did. What I almost lost. If Dan wouldn't have saved me, I would have lost him. And that's the last thing I would ever want.

I need to think about what that would have done to Dan. It would have killed him inside. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold on like my life depended on it. I rested my head on his chest and cried my eyes out.

We sat there crying for god knows how long. When we stood up Dan grabbed onto my hand, tears in his eyes still, and held it tightly all the way home. When we walked into the house, he didn't let go. I just stood there looking at him. Wondering what was going through his head.

With my hand still in his, he walked to his room, pulling me along with got to his room and he let go of my hand. He closed the door and went to his dresser. After digging for a minute, he came up with two pairs of pajama pants. He threw a pair to me. Without a warning he took off his shoes and started to unbutton his his pants.

"Dan, do you want me to leave so you-," I was interrupted.

"You're not leaving my sight tonight. You can borrow my pajama pants for tonight." He slipped off his pants with ease and put on his favourite pajama pants. He turned to face me. "Change, Phil." He picked up his pants and went to put them in the dirty laundry basket in the hall. I quickly changed and did the same.

Dan waited for me at the door. Watching my every move. He took my hand in his again and lead me to the bed. I sat on the side, very awkwardly I should add. He pulled me down beside him and cuddled me. My head was under his chin and his arms were around my shoulders. He kissed the top of my head.

"I lied this morning. I did come into your room. It wasn't a dream. I kissed you last night. I was just scared. Scared of what I was feeling. I wasn't sure if I liked you back or if I just didn't want to lose you and I felt that was the only way I could keep you. I still don't know. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. All of the pain I caused you. All of the confusion. All of the sorrow. I'm sorry." And with the I feel asleep in his arms. Content with how my life was turning out.

**The basic idea for this chapter was submitted by PhanFictionz. There will be more chapters. I know this kind of sounded like an ending but it wasn't. Maybe. I don't know. I hope not. There is still some idea's going through my crazy head.**


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